Karanlığın ve Hicvin Zirvesi: The Marshall Mathers LP İncelemesi

**Sanatçı:** Eminem

**Albüm:** The Marshall Mathers LP

**Çıkış Yılı:** 2000

Müzik dünyasında bazı albümler, sadece piyasaya sürüldükleri dönemi değil, popüler kültürün tüm algısını kökten değiştirir. İncelediğimiz bu çalışma, öfkenin, kişisel travmaların ve sınır tanımayan bir hiciv yeteneğinin birleştiği, müzikal bir başkaldırıdır. Albüm, sanatçının hem kendi iç dünyasındaki karmaşayı hem de çevresindeki toplumsal ikiyüzlülüğü, sert ve tavizsiz bir dille masaya yatırıyor. Dinleyiciyi, çoğu zaman rahatsız edici ama bir o kadar da sürükleyici olan bir aynanın karşısına geçiren bu eser, sanatçının kariyerindeki en belirgin dönüm noktalarından biri olarak kabul ediliyor.

## Albümün Konseptsel Çerçevesi

Bu albüm, şöhretin getirdiği ağırlıkla kişisel geçmişin hayaletlerinin çarpıştığı bir alan yaratıyor. Şarkılar, "gerçek" ile "performans" arasındaki çizgiyi kasten bulanıklaştırıyor. Sanatçı, dinleyiciyle kurduğu tekinsiz bağı güçlendirirken, popüler kültürün değerlerini ve kendisinden beklenen ahlaki standartları, absürt bir şiddet ve kara mizah diliyle reddediyor.

## Şarkı Şarkı İnceleme

### Public Service Announcement 2000 (Skit)

 * **Ana Tema:** Meydan okuma ve kimlik beyanı.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Albümün girişinde dinleyiciye, sanatçının kurallara uymayacağı mesajı net bir şekilde veriliyor. "Slim Shady" kimliği, dış dünyanın beklentilerine ve eleştirilerine karşı tam bir umursamazlık sergiliyor. Bu kısa pasaj, albüm boyunca sürecek olan otorite karşıtı duruşun sinyalini veriyor.

### Kill You

 * **Ana Tema:** Öfkenin dışavurumu ve geçmişle hesaplaşma.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Şarkı, çocukluk travmalarına ve aile içi ilişkilere sert bir bakış atıyor. "Benim çocukluğumda olan bitenlerin yansıması bu," dercesine, şiddetin kökenlerini kendi çarpık perspektifinden anlatıyor. Toplumun kendisine yönelik baskıcı tutumuna karşı, en uç sınırları zorlayarak cevap veriyor.

### Stan

 * **Ana Tema:** Takıntı, hayal kırıklığı ve şöhretin yıkıcı etkisi.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Albümün en derin hikaye anlatıcılığına sahip parçasıdır. Bir hayranın sanatçıya olan hastalıklı hayranlığının, iletişimsizlik sonucu nasıl bir trajediye dönüştüğünü anlatıyor. Şarkı, şöhretin hem sanatçı hem de hayran üzerindeki karanlık etkisini, kurgusal bir mektup serisiyle yürek burkucu bir biçimde işliyor.

### Paul (Skit)

 * **Ana Tema:** Sektörel çatışma.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Albümün içeriğine dair duyulan endişeyi dile getiren bu kısa skit, sanatçının sektör içindeki "aykırı" konumunu pekiştiriyor.

### Who Knew

 * **Ana Tema:** Sorumluluk tartışması ve sansür eleştirisi.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Şarkı, gençlerin yaşadığı toplumsal sorunların suçlusunun müzik olup olmadığı sorusunu soruyor. "Ben sadece biriyim, çocuklarınızı asıl yetiştirmesi gereken sizlersiniz," mesajıyla ebeveynlere ve medyaya sert bir eleştiri yöneltiyor.

### Steve Berman (Skit)
 * **Ana Tema:** Ticari baskı.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Sanatçının şarkı sözleri yüzünden yaşadığı kurumsal baskıyı temsil ediyor. Şirket yöneticisinin, içeriğin satılabilirliği konusundaki korkusu, sanatçının ödün vermeme çabasıyla çatışıyor.

### The Way I Am

 * **Ana Tema:** Kabullenilmiş kimlik ve baskıya karşı duruş.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** "Ben neysem oyum," felsefesini temel alıyor. Şöhretin getirdiği "herkesin her şeyi söyleme hakkı" durumuna karşı, sanatçının sınırlarını çizdiği bir savunma mekanizmasıdır. Toplumun kendisi hakkındaki yargılarını tamamen reddettiği, albümün en enerjik parçalarından biri.

### The Real Slim Shady

 * **Ana Tema:** Özgünlük ve sahtecilikle alay etme.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Popüler kültürdeki kopyalara ve sanatçının tarzını taklit edenlere yönelik bir hicivdir. Kendisini "gerçek" olarak konumlandırırken, piyasadaki diğer figürlerin ne kadar yapay olduğunu vurgulayan, son derece dinamik ve eleştirel bir manifesto niteliğindedir.

### Remember Me?

 * **Ana Tema:** Sarsılmaz güç ve hükmetme arzusu.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Sanatçı burada, çevresindeki diğer isimlerle birlikte, müzik üzerindeki hakimiyetini ve kimsenin onu unutamayacağını hatırlatıyor. Şiddetli ve karanlık imgelerle dolu sözler, bir gücün gösterişidir.

### I'm Back

 * **Ana Tema:** Geri dönüş ve cesaret.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Sahnelere ve oyunun içine geri döndüğünü ilan ediyor. Kendi zihninin derinliklerindeki pervasızlığı, esprili ama bir o kadar da tehlikeli bir dille anlatıyor.

### Marshall Mathers

 * **Ana Tema:** İsimsizlik ile şöhretin çatışması.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Albümün en içten parçalarından biridir. İnsanların kendisinden beklentileri ile sanatçının kendi gerçekliğini (Marshall Mathers) karşılaştırıyor. Şöhretin insanı nasıl yalnızlaştırdığını ve herkesin ona ulaşmaya çalışmasının yarattığı bıkkınlığı ifade ediyor.

### Ken Kaniff (Skit)

 * **Ana Tema:** Absürtlük.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Albümün gergin havasını dağıtan, tamamen absürt bir karakterin dahil olduğu bir sahnedir.

### Drug Ballad

 * **Ana Tema:** Bağımlılık ve kaçış.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Maddelerin yarattığı sahte dünyayı ve bu dünyadan kopamama halini anlatıyor. "Her seferinde kaçmaya çalışsam da, bir şey kolumdan tutup beni geri çekiyor," diyerek bağımlılığın psikolojik döngüsünü gözler önüne seriyor.

### Amityville

 * **Ana Tema:** Yaşanan yerin karanlığı ve şiddet.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** İçinde bulunulan çevreyi, bir korku filmine benzeterek anlatıyor. Detroit şehrini, kendi zihnindeki "Amityville" metaforuyla birleştirerek, orada yaşamanın ne kadar tehlikeli ve kaotik olduğunu işliyor.

### Bitch Please II

 * **Ana Tema:** Birliktelik ve otorite gösterisi.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Albümdeki diğer güçlü isimlerle bir araya gelerek, sahne üzerindeki hakimiyetin kutlandığı bir şölen sunuyor. Sözler, meydan okuma ve güç üzerine kurulu.

### Kim

 * **Ana Tema:** Kıskançlık, öfke ve yıkıcı aşk.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Albümün belki de en rahatsız edici, en duygusal ve en karanlık noktasıdır. İlişkilerdeki en uç noktayı, bir tiyatro sahnesi gibi tüm şiddetiyle yansıtır. Öfkenin akıl sağlığını nasıl ele geçirebileceğine dair çok sert ve vurucu bir anlatı.

### Under The Influence

 * **Ana Tema:** Kayıtsızlık ve pervasızlık.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Sanatçı ve arkadaşlarının, her türlü mantık ve kuralı reddederek, tamamen kendi dünyalarında yaşadıkları pervasız bir durumu sergiliyor.

### Criminal

 * **Ana Tema:** Toplumsal normlara başkaldırı.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Şarkı sözleri nedeniyle suçlu hissettirilmeye çalışılan bir sanatçının, "Eğer gerçek suç buysa, ben bir suçluyum" deme biçimidir. Toplumun ikiyüzlülüğünü, kendi "suçlu" maskesiyle ifşa ettiği, albümün finaline yakışır bir noktadır.

### The Kids

 * **Ana Tema:** Toplumsal ahlak dersiyle alay.

 * **Lirik Analizi:** Çocuklara verilen "uyuşturucudan uzak durun" derslerini, en uygunsuz ve ironik yollarla anlatıyor. Kendi çocuksu ama karanlık mantığıyla, toplumun normatif eğitimine bir başkaldırı niteliğinde.

Eminem - "The Marshall Mathers LP" Albüm Şarkı Sözleri (2000)

"Public Service Announcement 2000 (Skit)"

(with Jeff Bass)

This is another public service announcement

Brought to you in part by Slim Shady

(Tell 'em I don't give a fuck)

Slim Shady does not give a fuck what you think

(Tell 'em to suck it)

If you don't like it you can suck his fucking cock

(Tell 'em they kissed my ass)

Little did you know upon purchasing this album

You have just kissed his ass!

(Tell 'em I'm fed up)

Slim Shady is fed up with your shit

And he's going to kill you

(Yeah)

Uh, anything else?

Yeah, sue me!

☆☆☆☆☆

"Kill You"

When I was just a little baby boy,

My momma used to tell me these crazy things

She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man,

She used to tell me he hated me

But then I got a little bit older

And I realized, she was the crazy one

But there was nothing I could do or say to try to change it

'Cause that's just the way she was

They said I can't rap about being broke no more

They ain't say I can't rap about coke no more

Slut, you think I won't choke no whore

'Til the vocal cords don't work in her throat no more?!

These motherfuckers are thinking I'm playing

Thinking I'm saying the shit 'cause I'm thinking it just to be saying it

Put your hands down bitch, I ain't gon' shoot you

I'mma pull you to this bullet, and put it through you

Shut up slut, you're causing too much chaos

Just bend over and take it like a slut, OK Ma?

"Oh, now he's raping his own mother,

Abusing a whore, snorting coke, and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?"

You're goddamn right bitch, and now it's too late

I'm triple platinum and tragedies happen in two states

I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches

Vain Vicodin, vrinn vrinn, vrinnn!

Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all

Dangling from his neck, while his head barely hangs on

Blood, guts, guns, cuts

Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts

Bitch I'mma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me

Girls neither – you ain't nothing but a slut to me

Bitch I'mma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef

We ain't gon' never stop beefing I don't squash the beef

You better kill me! I'mma be another rapper dead

For popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn't have said

But when they kill me – I'm bringing the world with me

Bitches too! You ain't nothing but a girl to me

I said you don't wanna fuck with Shady ('cause why?)

'Cause Shady will fucking kill you

I said you don't wanna fuck with Shady (why?)

'Cause Shady will fucking kill you

Bitch I'mma kill you!

Like a murder weapon, I'mma conceal you

In a closet with mildew, sheets, pillows and film you

Fuck with me, I been through hell, shut the hell up!

I'm tryna develop these pictures of the Devil to sell 'em

I ain't "acid rap", but I rap on acid

Got a new blow-up doll and just had a strap-on added

Whoops! Is that a subliminal hint? No!

Just criminal intent to sodomize women again

Eminem offend? No! Eminem'll insult

And if you ever give in to him, you give him an impulse

To do it again, then, if he does it again

You'll probably end up jumping out of something up on the 10th

Bitch I'mma kill you, I ain't done this ain't the chorus

I ain't even drug you in the woods yet to paint the forest

A bloodstain is orange after you wash it three or four times in a tub

But that's normal ain't it Norman?

Serial killer hiding murder material

In a cereal box on top of your stereo

Here we go again, we're out of our medicine

Out of our minds, and we want in yours, let us in

Or I'mma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me

Girls neither – you ain't nothing but a slut to me

Bitch I'mma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef

We ain't gon' never stop beefing I don't squash the beef

You better kill me! I'mma be another rapper dead

For popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn't have said

But when they kill me I'm bringing the world with me

Bitches too! You ain't nothing but a girl to me

I said you don't wanna fuck with Shady ('cause why?)

'Cause Shady will fucking kill you

I said you don't wanna fuck with Shady (why?)

'Cause Shady will fucking kill you

Eh-heh, know why I say these things?

'Cause ladies' screams keep creeping in Shady's dreams

And the way things seem, I shouldn't have to pay these shrinks

This eighty Gs a week to say the same things tweece!

Twice? Whatever, I hate these things

Fuck shots! I hope the weed'll outweigh these drinks

Motherfuckers want me to come on their radio shows

Just to argue with 'em cause their ratings stink?

Fuck that! I'll choke radio announcer to bouncer

From fat bitch to all seventy-thousand pounds of her

From principal to the student body and counselor

From in-school to before school to out of school

I don't even believe in breathing

I'm leaving air in your lungs

Just to hear you keep screaming for me to seep it

OK, I'm ready to go play

I got the machete from O.J.

I'm ready to make everyone's throats ache

You faggots keep egging me on

'Til I have you at knifepoint, then you beg me to stop?

Shut up! Give me your hands and feet

I said shut up when I'm talking to you

You hear me? Answer me!

Or I'mma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me

Girls neither – you ain't nothing but a slut to me

Bitch I'mma kill you! You don't got the balls to beef

We ain't gon' never stop beefing I don't squash the beef

You better kill me! I'mma be another rapper dead

For popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn't have said

But when they kill me – I'm bringing the world with me

Bitches too! You ain't nothing but a girl to me

Bitch I'mma kill you!

You don't wanna fuck with Shady ('cause why?)

'Cause Shady will fucking kill you

I said you don't wanna fuck with Shady (why not?)

'Cause Shady will fucking kill you..

I'm just playing, ladies

You know I love you

☆☆☆☆☆

"Stan"

(feat. Dido)

[Dido:]

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall

It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall

It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Eminem as Stan:]

Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't calling

I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom

I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em

There probably was a problem at the post office or something

Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em

But anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man, how's your daughter?

My girlfriend's pregnant, too, I'm bout to be a father

If I have a daughter, guess what I'mma call her?

I'mma name her Bonnie

I read about your Uncle Ronnie, too, I'm sorry

I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him

I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan

I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam

I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man

I like the shit you did with Rawkus, too, that shit was phat

Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back

Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan

This is Stan

[Dido:]

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall

It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Eminem as Stan:]

Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance

I ain't mad - I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans

If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert

You didn't have to, but you could've signed an autograph for Matthew

That's my little brother man, he's only six years old

We waited in the blistering cold for you

For four hours and you just said, "No"

That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fucking idol

He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do

I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to

Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you

You would write back - see I'm just like you in a way

I never knew my father neither

He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her

I can relate to what you're saying in your songs

So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on

'Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed

I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds

It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

See everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it

My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7

But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does

She don't know what it was like for people like us growing up

You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose

Sincerely yours, Stan

P.S.

We should be together, too

[Dido:]

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall

It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Eminem as Stan:]

Dear Mister I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,

This'll be the last package I ever send your ass

It's been six months and still no word. I don't deserve it?

I know you got my last two letters;

I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect

So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it

I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway

Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?

You know the song by Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight"

About that guy who could've saved that other guy from drowning

But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?

That's kinda how this is, you could've rescued me from drowning

Now it's too late. I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy

And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call

I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall

I loved you, Slim, we could've been together, think about it

You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it

And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it

I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me

See, Slim,—shut up bitch! I'm trying to talk!

Hey, Slim, that's my girlfriend screaming in the trunk,

But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up. See, I ain't like you

'Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die, too

Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now

Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?

[*car tires squeal, crash, loud splash*]

[Dido:]

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall

It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Eminem:]

Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I've just been busy

You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?

Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that

And here's an autograph for your brother

I wrote it on the Starter cap

I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I must've missed you

Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you

But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists, too?

I say that shit's just clowning , dawg

C'mon! How fucked up is you?

You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counseling

To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some

And what's this shit about us meant to be together?

That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other

I really think you and your girlfriend need each other

Or maybe you just need to treat her better

I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time

Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doing just fine

If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but, Stan

Why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan

I just don't want you to do some crazy shit

I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick

Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge

And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid

And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to

Come to think about it, his name was... it was you

Damn!

☆☆☆☆☆

"Paul (Skit)"

(performed by Paul Rosenberg)

Em... what's going on, it's Paul...

Umm... Dre gave me a copy of the new album and I just...

[sigh]

Fuck it.

☆☆☆☆☆

"Who Knew"

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd)

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Mic check, one-two

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Who would've knew?

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Who would've known?

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Fuck would've thought?

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Motherfucker comes out

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Sells a couple of million records

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) And these motherfuckers hit the ceiling

(I never knew I'd)

I don't do black music, I don't do white music (No)

I make fight music for high school kids

I put lives at risk when I drive like this

I put wives at risk with a knife like this

Shit, you probably think I'm in your tape deck now

I'm in the back seat of your truck with duct tape stretched out

Ducked the fuck way down, waitin' to straight jump out

Put it over your mouth, and grab you by the face — what now?

Oh, you want me to watch my mouth

How? Take my fuckin' eyeballs out and turn them around?

Look, I'll burn your fuckin' house down, circle around

And hit the hydrant, so you can't put your burnin' furniture out

I'm sorry, there must be a mix-up

You want me to fix up lyrics

While our President gets his dick sucked?

Fuck that! Take drugs, rape sluts

Make fun of gay clubs, men who wear make-up

Get aware, wake up, get a sense of humor

Quit tryin' to censor music

This is for your kid's amusement (the kids!)

But don't blame me when little Eric jumps off of the terrace

You shoulda been watchin' him, apparently you ain't parents

'Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big

I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid

I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist

I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

I never knew I, knew I would get this big

I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid

I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist

I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

So who's bringin' the guns in this country? (Hm?)

I couldn't sneak a plastic pellet gun

Through customs over in London

And last week I seen this Schwarzenegger movie

Where he's shootin' all sorts of these motherfuckers with an Uzi

I see these three little kids up in the front row

Screaming, "Go!" with their seventeen-year-old uncle

I'm like, guidance?!

Ain't they got the same moms and dads

Who got mad when I asked if they liked violence?

And told me that my tape taught 'em to swear?

What about the make-up

You allow your twelve-year-old daughter to wear? (Hm?)

So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words

When his bus driver's screamin' at him, fuckin' him up worse

(Go sit the fuck down, you little fucking prick!)

And "fuck" was the first word I ever learned

Up in the third grade, flippin' the gym teacher the bird (Look!)

So read up 'bout how I used to get beat up

Peed on, be on free lunch

And changed school every three months

My life's like kind of what my wife's like (What?)

Fucked up after I beat her fuckin' ass every night: Ike

So how much easier would life be

If nineteen million motherfuckers grew to be just like me?

'Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big

I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid

I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist

I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

I never knew I, knew I would get this big

I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid

I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist

I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

I never knew I, knew I'd have a new house or a new car

A couple years ago I was more poorer than you are

I don't got that bad of a mouth, do I?

Fuck! Shit! Ass! Bitch! Cunt! Shooby-de-doo-wop! (Oops)

Skibbedy-be-bop, a Christopher Reeves

Sonny Bono, skis, horses and hittin' some trees (Hey)

How many retards'll listen to me

And run up in the school shootin' when they're pissed at a tea-

-cher? Her? Him? Is it you? Is it them?

"Wasn't me, Slim Shady said to do it again!"

Damn, how much damage can you do with a pen?

Man, I'm just as fucked up as you would've been

If you would've been in my shoes, who would've thought

Slim Shady would be somethin' that you would've bought?

That would've made you get a gun and shoot at a cop

I just said it, I ain't know if you'd do it or not

'Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big

I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid

I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist

I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

I never knew I, knew I would get this big

I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid

I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist

I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

How the fuck was I supposed to know?

☆☆☆☆☆

"Steve Berman (Skit)"

(with Steve Berman)

[Door creaks open]

[Background music "What's The Difference" by Dr. Dre]

[Eminem:] Eyyy!

[Steve:] Hey Em, what's up?

[Eminem:]

Steve Berman. What's goin' on, man, how you doin'?

Good to see you again. What's up?

[Steve:] Em, could you come in here and have a seat, please?

[Eminem:] Um, yeah, what's...

[Steve:] Vanessa? Shut the door

[Vanessa:] Okay [door creaks shut:]

[Eminem:] So what's up? How's orders looking for the first week?

[Steve:] It would be better if you gave me nothing at all

[Eminem:] Wh...

[Steve:] This album is less than nothing. I can't sell this fucking record

[Eminem:] Wha...

[Steve:] Do you know what's happening to me out there?

[Eminem:] Wh-wha-what's the problem?

[Steve:] Violet Brown told me to go fuck myself!

[Eminem:] Who's Violet...?

[Steve:]

Tower Records told me to shove this record up my ass!

Do you know what it feels like

To be told to have a record shoved up your ass?

[Eminem:] But, I...

[Steve:]

I'm gonna lose my fuckin' job over this

You know why Dre's record was so successful?

He's rappin' about big-screen TVs, blunts, 40s and bitches.

You're rappin' about homosexuals and Vicodin

[Eminem:] I mean-

[Steve:] I can't sell this shit!

[Eminem:] What...

[Steve:] Either change the record or it's not coming out!

[Eminem:] What, I...

[Steve:] Now get the fuck out of my office!

[Eminem:] What am I supposed...

[Steve:] Now!

[Eminem:] Alright man...

☆☆☆☆☆

"The Way I Am"

Whatever

Dre, just let it run

Aiyyo turn the beat up a little bit

Aiyyo... this song is for anyone... fuck it

Just shut up and listen, aiyyo

I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag

Of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be

The most meanest MC on this - on this Earth

And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse

And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works

And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve

All this tension dispensing these sentences

Getting this stress that's been eating me recently off of this chest

And I rest again peacefully (peacefully)

But at least have the decency in you

To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out

In the streets when I'm eating or feeding my daughter

Do not come and speak to me (speak to me)

I don't know you and no

I don't owe you a motherfucking thing

I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think

I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick

If you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)

No patience is in me and if you offend me

I'm lifting you 10 feet (lifting you 10 feet)... in the air

I don't care who was there and who saw me just jaw you

Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit

I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe

I'm tired of all you (of all you)

I don't mean to be mean, but that's all I can be it's just me

And I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news every day I am

Radio won't even play my jam

'Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news every day I am

I don't know, it's just the way I am

Sometimes I just feel like my father

I hate to be bothered

With all of this nonsense it's constant

And, "Oh, it's his lyrical content -

- the song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten responses"

And all of this controversy circles me

And it seems like the media immediately

Points a finger at me (finger at me)

So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie

Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up

When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up

With the bullshit they pull, 'cause they full of shit too

When a dude's getting bullied and shoots up his school

And they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn)... and the heroin

Where were the parents at? And look where it's at

Middle America, now it's a tragedy

Now it's so sad to see, an upper class city

Having this happening (this happening)

Then attack Eminem 'cause I rap this way (rap this way)

But I'm glad 'cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire

To burn and it's burning and I have returned

And I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news every day I am

Radio won't even play my jam

'Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news every day I am

I don't know it's just the way I am

I'm so sick and tired of being admired

That I wish that I would just die or get fired

And dropped from my label, let's stop with the fables

I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name is... "

And pigeon-holed into some pop-py sensation

That got me rotation at rock'n'roll stations

And I just do not got the patience (got the patience)

To deal with these cocky Caucasians who think

I'm some wigger who just tries to be black 'cause I talk

With an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always keep asking

The same fucking questions (fucking questions)

What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in

The why, the who what when, the where, and the how

'Til I'm grabbing my hair and I'm tearing it out

'Cause they driving me crazy (driving me crazy)... I can't take it

I'm racing, I'm pacing, I stand and I sit

And I'm thankful for every fan that I get

But I can't take a shit, in the bathroom

Without someone standing by it

No, I won't sign your autograph

You can call me an asshole I'm glad

'Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news every day I am

Radio won't even play my jam

'Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news every day I am

I don't know, it's just the way I am

☆☆☆☆☆

"The Real Slim Shady"

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!)

It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

[*Vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]

"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [*slurp*]

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

[*ewww!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it [*err*] I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings

[*hach*] Or in the parking lot, circling

Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up

☆☆☆☆☆

"Remember Me?"

(feat. RBX, Sticky Fingaz)

Remember me? Seven executions

Remember me? I have no remorse

Remember me? I'm high-powered

Remember me? I drop bombs, like Hiroshima

For this one, they scream "X, you retarded?!"

'Cause I grab the mic and get down like syndrome

Hide and roam into the masses

Without boundaries, which qualifies me

For the term "universal" without no rehearsal

I leak words that's controversial

Like I'm not the one you wanna contest, see

'Cause I'll hit your ass like the train did that bitch

That got banned from TV, heavyweight getup

Hit you, watch your whole head split up

Loco is the motion, we comin' through

Hollow-tips is the lead the .45 threw

Remember me? Throw ya guns in the air!

Remember me? Slam! Slam!

Remember me? Nigga, back the fuck up!

Remember me? Chka-chka-Onyx!

Niggas that take no for an answer get told no

Yeah, I been told no, but it was more like "No! No! No!"

Life's a bitch, met her, fuck you if you let her

Better come better than better to be a competitor

This vet is ahead of the shit, it's all redder, you deader and deader

A medic instead of the cheddars and credda

Settle vendetta with metal Beretta from ghetto to ghetto

Evidence, nope, never leave a shred of

I got the soul of every rapper in me, love me or hate me

My mom's got raped by the industry and made me

I'm the illest nigga ever, I told you

I get more pussy than them dyke bitches Total

Want beef, nigga? Pbbt, you better dead that shit

My name should be Can't-Believe-That-Nigga-Said-That-Shit

Probably sayin' he ain't a killer, but I'm killin' myself

Smoke death, fuck bitches raw on the kitchen floor

So think what I'ma do to you, have done to you

Got niggas in my hood who'd do that shit for a blunt or two

What you wanna do? Cocksuckers, we Glock busters

'Til the cops cuff us, gon' start ruckus and drop blockbusters

Round the clock hustlers, you cannot touch us

I'm gettin' wires, niggas wantin' me dead

Wantin' my head, you think it could be somethin' I said?

Remember me? I just don't give a fuck!

Remember me? Yeah, fuck you too!

Remember me? I'm low down and I'm shifty!

Remember me? I'm Shady!

When I go out, I'ma go out shootin'

I don't mean when I die, I mean when I go out to the club, stupid!

I'm tryin' to clean up my fuckin' image

So I promised the fuckin' critics I wouldn't say "fucking" for six minutes

Six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on!

My baby's mom, bitch made me an angry blonde

So I made me a song, killed her and put Hailie on

I may be wrong, I keep thinkin' these crazy thoughts

In my cranium, but I'm stuck with a crazy mom

Is she really on as much dope as you say she's on?

Came home and somebody musta broke in the back window

And stole two loaded machine guns and both of my trench coats

Six sick dreams of picnic scenes

Two kids, sixteen, with M-16s and ten clips each

And them shits reach through six kids each

And Slim gets blamed in Bill Clint's speech to fix these streets?!

Fuck that! Pbbt, you faggots can vanish to volcanic ash

And reappear in hell with a can of gas and a match

Aftermath, Dre, grab the gat, show 'em where it's at!

(What the fuck you starin' at, nigga?)

Don't you remember me?!

Remember me?!

Remember me?!

Remember me!! (Slim Shady!)

☆☆☆☆☆

"I'm Back"

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

I murder a rhyme, one word at a time

You never heard of a mind as perverted as mine

You better get rid of that 9, it ain't gonna help

What good's it gonna do against a man that strangles himself?

I'm waitin' for Hell, like hell, shit, I'm anxious as hell

Manson, you're safe in that cell, be thankful it's jail

I used to be my mommy's little angel at twelve

Thirteen, I was puttin' shells in a gauge on a shelf

I used to get punked and bullied on my block

'Til I cut a kitten's head off and stuck it in this kid's mailbox

(Hey Ma', Ma'!)

I used to give a fuck, now I could give a fuck less

What do I think of success? It sucks, too much press

I'm stressed, too much cess, depressed, too upset

It's just too much mess, I guess I must just blew up quick (Yes)

Grew up quick (No), was raised right

Whatever you say is wrong, whatever I say's right

You think of my name now whenever you say, "Hi"

Became a commodity 'cause I'm W-H-I-

T-E, ‘cause MTV was so friendly

To me, can't wait 'til Kim sees me

Now, is it worth it? Look at my life, how is it perfect?

Read my lips, bitch! What, my mouth isn't workin'?

You hear this finger? Oh, it's upside down

Here, let me turn this motherfucker up right now

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (Shady!)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

I take each individual degenerate's head and reach into it

Just to see if he's influenced by me, if he listens to music

And if he feeds into this shit, he's an innocent victim

And becomes a puppet on the string of my tennis shoe

[*Scratches*] My name is Slim Shady

I been crazy way before radio didn't play me

The sensational [*scratch*] "Back is the incredible!"

With Ken Kaniff, who just finds the men edible

It's Ken Kaniff on the Internet

Tryin' to lure your kids with him into bed

It's a sick world we live in these days

"Slim, for Pete's sakes, put down Christopher Reeve's legs!"

Geez, you guys are so sensitive

"Slim, it's a touchy subject, try and just don't mention it."

Mind with no sense in it, fried schizophrenic

Whose eyes get so squinted, I'm blind from smoke in 'em

With my windows tinted

With nine limos rented, doin' lines of coke in 'em

With a bunch of guys hoppin' out, all high and indo-scented

And that's where I get my name from, that's why they call me—

They call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back (Back)

I take seven kids from Columbine, stand 'em all in line

Add an AK-47, a revolver, a 9

A MAC-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine

And that's a whole school of bullies shot up all at one time

‘Cause I'm Shady, they call me as crazy

As the world was over this whole Y2K thing

And by the way, N'Sync, why do they sing?

Am I the only one who realizes they stink?

Should I dye my hair pink and care what y'all think

Lip sync and buy a bigger size of earrings?

It's why I tend to block out when I hear things

‘Cause all these fans screamin' is makin' my ears ring (Ah!)

So I just throw up a middle finger and let it linger

Longer than the rumor that I was stickin' it to Christina

‘Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz

It'd be Jennifer Lopez and, Puffy, you know this

I'm sorry, Puff, but I don't give a fuck

If this chick was my own mother, I'd still fuck her with no rubber

And cum inside her and have a son and a new brother

At the same time and just say that it ain't mine—what's my name?

I'm Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

They call me Slim Shady (I'm back)

I'm back (I'm back), I'm back

Guess who's b-back, back

Gue-gue-guess who's back (hi, Mom!)

[*scratch*] Guess who's back

[*scratch*] Gue— [*scratch*] guess who's back

D-12 [*scratch*] guess who's back

Gue, gue-gue-gue, guess who's back

Dr. Dre [*scratch*] guess who's back

Back back [*scratch*] back [*scratch*]

Slim Shady, 2001

I'm blew out from this blunt [*sighs*] fuck

☆☆☆☆☆

"Marshall Mathers"

You know I just don't get it

Last year I was nobody

This year I'm selling records

Now everybody wants to come around like I owe em something

Heh, the fuck you want from me, ten million dollars?

Get the fuck out of here

You see I'm, just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)

I'm just a regular guy

I don't know why all the fuss about me (fuss about me)

Nobody ever gave a fuck before

All they did was doubt me (did was doubt me)

Now everybody wanna run their mouth

And try to take shots at me (take shots at me)

Yo, you might see me jogging, you might see me walking

You might see me walking a dead rottweiler dog

With its head chopped off in the park with a spiked collar

Hollering at him 'cause the son of a bitch won't quit barking

(Grrrr, arf arf) Or leaning out a window, with a cocked shotgun

Driving up the block in the car that they shot 'Pac in

Looking for Big's killers, dressing ridiculous

Blue and red like I don't see what the big deal is

Double barrel twelve gauge bigger than Chris Wallace

Pissed off, 'cause Biggie and 'Pac just missed all this

Watching all these cheap imitations get rich off 'em

And get dollars that shoulda been theirs like they switched wallets

And amidst all this Crist' popping and wrist watches

I just sit back and just watch and just get nauseous

And walk around with an empty bottle of Remy Martin

Starting shit like some 26-year-old skinny Cartman ("God damnit!")

I'm anti-Backstreet and Ricky Martin

Whose instinct's to kill N'Sync, don't get me started

These fuckin' brats can't sing and Britney's garbage

What's this bitch retarded? Gimme back my sixteen dollars

All I see is sissies in magazines smiling

Whatever happened to wiling out and being violent?

Whatever happened to catching a good old-fashioned

Passionate ass-whooping and getting your shoes coat and your hat tooken?

New Kids on the Block, sucked a lot of dick

Boy/girl groups make me sick

And I can't wait 'til I catch all you faggots in public

I'ma love it.. (hahaha)

Vanilla Ice don't like me (uh-uh)

Said some shit in Vibe to spite me (yup)

Then went and dyed his hair just like me (hehe)

A bunch of little kids wanna swear just like me

And run around screaming, "I don't care, just bite me" (nah nah)

I think I was put here to annoy the world

And destroy your little 4-year-old boy or girl

Plus I was put here to put fear in faggots who spray Faygo Root Beer

And call themselves "Clowns" 'cause they look queer

Faggy 2 Dope and Silent Gay

Claiming Detroit, when y'all live twenty miles away (fuckin punks)

And I don't wrestle, I'll knock you fuckin faggots the fuck out

Ask 'em about the club they was at when they snuck out

After they ducked out the back when they saw us and bugged out

(Ah!) Ducked down and got paint balls shot at they truck, blaow!

Look at y'all running your mouth again

When you ain't seen a fuckin Mile Road, South of 10

And I don't need help, from D12, to beat up two females

In make-up, who may try to scratch me with Lee Nails

"Slim Anus," you damn right, Slim Anus

I don't get fucked in mine like you two little flaming faggots!

'Cause I'm just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)

I'm not a wrestler guy

I'll knock you out if you talk about me (you talk about me)

Come and see me on the streets alone

If you assholes doubt me (assholes doubt me)

And if you wanna run your mouth

Then come take your best shot at me (your best shot at me)

Is it because you love me that y'all expect so much of me?

You little groupie bitch, get off me, go fuck Puffy

Now because of this blonde mop that's on top

Of this fucked up head that I've got, I've gone pop?

The underground just spunned around and did a 360

Now these kids diss me and act like some big sissies

"Oh, he just did some shit with Missy

So now he thinks he's too big to do some shit with MC Get-Bizzy"

My fuckin bitch mom's suing for ten million

She must want a dollar for every pill I've been stealing

Shit, where the fuck you think I picked up the habit?

All I had to do was go in her room and lift up her mattress

Which is it bitch, Mrs. Briggs or Ms. Mathers?

It doesn't matter your [attorney Fred Gibson's a] faggot!

Talking about I fabricated my past

He's just aggravated I won't ejaculate in his ass (Uh!)

So tell me, what the hell is a fella to do?

For every million I make, another relative sues

Family fighting and fussing over who wants to invite me to supper

All of a sudden I got 90 some cousins (Hey it's me!)

A half-brother and sister who never seen me

Or even bothered to call me until they saw me on TV

Now everybody's so happy and proud

I'm finally allowed to step foot in my girlfriend's house

Hey-hey! And then to top it off, I walked to the newsstand

To buy this cheap-ass little magazine with a food stamp

Skipped to the last page, flipped right fast

And what do I see? A picture of my big white ass

OK, let me give you motherfuckers some help:

Uh, here – double XL, double XL

Now your magazine shouldn't have so much trouble to sell

Ah fuck it, I'll even buy a couple myself

'Cause I'm just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)

I'm just a regular guy

I don't know why all the fuss about me (fuss about me)

Nobody ever gave a fuck before

All they did was doubt me (did was doubt me)

Now everybody wanna run their mouth

And try to take shots at me (take shots at me)

Because I'm just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)

I'm just a regular guy

I don't know why all the fuss about me (fuss about me)

Nobody ever gave a fuck before

All they did was doubt me (did was doubt me)

Now everybody wanna run their mouth

And try to take shots at me (take shots at me)

☆☆☆☆☆

"Ken Kaniff (Skit)"

Uhh...

Uhh... oh yeah

Uhh, suck it (Mmm...)

Oh, fuck yeah (...Mmm)

Oh, Shaggy

Uhh

This is why they call you '2 Dope', ain't it? (Mmm...)

Uhh, fuck yeah

Uhh, take it out, take it out

Uhh, now give something to J

Uhh, Violent J

Ooh, don't bite it, don't be violent with it, ow

Just suck it, nice and slow

Yeah... uhh

Uhh, fuck yeah

You got.. uhh, now give it back to Shaggy

He was sucking it better, uhh, now say my name

(Eminem!) Say my name

(Eminem!) What?

Oh, fuck you guys!

G-Give me my dick back! (Wha-a-a-a-a-)

Fuck you guys! (Wait, what- wait, Ken!)

If you want Eminem, you can have Eminem! (Wha-a-a-)

Fuck you guys, I'mma leaving! (No- i-e-o- no!)

No! Ken, wait! I-I- [*door slams*]

Aw, damn!

Nice going, Shaggy!

☆☆☆☆☆

"Drug Ballad"

(feat. Dina Rea)

Yeah, hahahaha...whooooo, shit!

Aight, guess what? I ain't coming in yet...

I'll come in a minute

Ayo...This is my love song...it goes like this

Back when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark

(fuckin' faggot)

This is how we used to make the party start

We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark

And when it kicks in you can hardly talk

And by the sixth gin you're gon' probably crawl

And you'll be sick then and you'll probably barf

And my prediction is you're gon' probably fall

Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall

And everything's spinning

You're beginnin' to think women

Are swimming in pink linen again in the sink

Then in a couple of minutes

That bottle of Guinness is finished

You are now allowed to officially slap bitches

You have the right to remain violent and start wilin'

Start a fight with the same guy that was smart-eyein' you

Get in your car, start it, and start drivin'

Over the island and cause a 42-car pile-up

Earth calling, pilot to co-pilot

Looking for life on this planet, sir, no sign of it

All I can see is a bunch of smoke flyin'

And I'm so high that I might die if I go by it

Let me out of this place

I'm outta place

I'm in outer space

I've just vanished without a trace

I'm going to a pretty place

Now where the flowers grow

I'll be back in an hour or so

'Cause every time I go to try to leave

Someone keeps pullin' on my sleeve

I don't wanna, but I gotta stay

These drugs really got a hold of me

'Cause every time I try to tell them "No"

They won't let me ever let them go

I'm a sucker all I gotta say

These drugs really got a hold of me

In third grade, all I used to do

Was sniff glue through a tube and play Rubik's cube

17 years later I'm as rude as Jude

Scheming on the first chick with the hugest boobs

I've got no game

And every face looks the same

They've got no name

So I don't need game to play

I just say whatever I want to whoever I want

Whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want

However I do show some respect to few

This ecstasy's got me standing next to you

Getting sentimental as fuck spillin' guts to you

We just met but I think I'm in love with you

But you're on it too

So you tell me you love me too

Wake up in the morning like

"Yo, what the fuck we do?"

I gotta go bitch

You know I got stuff to do

'Cause if I get caught cheatin' then I'm stuck with you

But in the long run

These drugs are probably going to catch up sooner or later

But fuck it, I'm on one

So let's enjoy

Let the X destroy your spinal cord

So it's not a straight line no more

'Til we walk around looking like some wind-up dolls

Shit's sticking out of our backs like a dinosaur

Shit, six hits won't even get me high no more

So bye for now

I'm going to try to find some more

'Cause every time I go to try to leave

Someone keeps pullin' on my sleeve

I don't wanna, but I gotta stay

These drugs really got a hold of me

'Cause every time I try to tell them "No"

They won't let me ever let them go

I'm a sucker all I gotta say

These drugs really got a hold of me

That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow

When you swallow it all wallow and drown in your sorrow

And tomorrow you're probably gonna wanna do it again

What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend? Screw it

And what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning?

And what's a little fight?

Tomorrow you'll be boys again

It's your life

Live it however you wanna

Marijuana is everywhere

Where was you brought up?

It don't matter as long as you get where you're going

‘Cause none of this shit's gonna mean shit where we're goin'

They tell you to stop, but you just sit there ignoring

Even though you wake up feeling like shit every morning

But you're young

You've got a lot of drugs to do

Girls to screw

Parties to crash

Sucks to be you

If I could take it all back now, I wouldn't

I would have did more shit that people said that I shouldn't

But I'm all grown up now and upgraded and graduated

Did better drugs and updated

But I've still got a lot of growing up to do

I've still got a whole lot of throwing up to spew

But when it's all said and done I'll be 40

Before I know it with a 40 on the porch telling stories

With a bottle of Jack

Two grandkids in my lap

Babysitting for Hailie while Hailie's out getting smashed

'Cause every time I go to try to leave

Someone keeps pullin' on my sleeve

I don't wanna, but I gotta stay

These drugs really got a hold of me

'Cause every time I try to tell them "No"

They won't let me ever let them go

I'm a sucker all I gotta say

These drugs really got a hold of me

'Cause every time I go to try to leave

Someone keeps pullin' on my sleeve

I don't wanna, but I gotta stay

These drugs really got a hold of me

'Cause every time I try to tell them "No"

They won't let me ever let them go

I'm a sucker all I gotta say

These drugs really got a hold of me

Drugs really got a hold of me

Really got a hold of me

'Cause drugs really got a hold of me

They really got a hold of me

☆☆☆☆☆

"Amityville"

(feat. Bizarre (D-12))

(Kill, kill, kill)

Dahh-dum, dahh-dum... dum

Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, duh-da-da-da-da

(Kill, kill, kill)

Dahh-dum, dahh-dum... dum

Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, dumm

(Kill, kill, kill)

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He'll accidentally kill your family still

Thinkin' he won't, goddammit he will

He's mentally ill from Amityville

I get lifted and spin 'til I'm half-twisted

Feet planted and stand with a grin full of chapped lipstick

Pen full of ink, think sinful and rap sick shit

Shrink, pencil me in for my last visit

Drink gin 'til my chin's full of splashed whiskers

Hash, whiskey, and ash 'til I slap bitches

Ask Bizzy, he's been here the past six years

Mash with me again and imagine this

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He'll accidentally kill your family still

Thinkin' he won't, goddammit he will

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He'll accidentally kill your family still

Thinkin' he won't, goddammit he will

He's mentally ill from Amityville

I fucked my cousin in his asshole, slit my mother's throat

Guess who Slim Shady just signed to Interscope

My little sister's birthday, she'll remember me

For a gift I had ten of my boys take her virginity

And bitches know me as a horny-ass freak

Their mother wasn't raped, I ate her pussy while she was sleep

Pissy-drunk, throwin' up in the urinal

(You fuckin' homo!) That's what I said at my dad's funeral

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He'll accidentally kill your family still

Thinkin' he won't, goddammit he will

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He'll accidentally kill your family still

Thinkin' he won't, goddammit he will

He's mentally ill from Amityville

That's why the city is filled with a bunch of fuckin' idiots still (Still)

That's why the first motherfucker poppin' some shit, he gets killed (Killed)

That's why we don't call it Detroit, we call it Amityville (Ville)

You can get capped after just havin' a cavity filled (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

That's why we're crowned the murder capital still (Still)

This ain't Detroit, this is motherfuckin' Hamburger Hill (Hill)

We don't do drive-bys, we park in front of houses and shoot (Shoot)

And when the police come we fuckin' shoot it out with 'em too (Too)

That's the mentality here (Here), that's the reality here (Here)

Did I just hear somebody say they wanna challenge me here? (Huh?)

While I'm holdin' a pistol with this many calibers here? (Here)

Plus a registration that just made this shit valid this year? (Year)

'Cause once I snap, I can't be held accountable for my actions

That's when accidents happen (Happen), when a thousand bullets come at your house

And collapse the foundation around you and they found you

And your family in it; goddammit, he meant it when he told you

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He'll accidentally kill your family still

Thinkin' he won't, goddammit he will

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He's mentally ill from Amityville

He'll accidentally kill your family still

Thinkin' he won't, goddammit he will

He's mentally ill from Amityville

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum, tahh-dum; ta-dah-da

Dum

☆☆☆☆☆

"Bitch Please II"

(feat. Dr. Dre, Nate Dogg, Snoop Dogg, Xzibit)

Yeah, what up, Detroit?

Nu-uh, nu-uh nuh, no, he didn't

They didn't do it again (What-what, you what?)

You shitted on these niggas two times, Dr. Dre?

Oh, fo' sho'

Uh-uh, naw, you smell that?

This is special right here (What-what, what-what-what?)

Yeah, it's a toast to the boogie, baby, uh

To the boogie-oogie-oogie

Yeah, ya know, what's crackin', Dre?

Just let me lay back and kick some old simplistic pimp shit

On Slim's shit, and start riots like Limp Bizkit

Best throw on "Guilty Conscience" at concerts

And watch mosh pits 'til motherfuckers knock each other unconscious (Watch out, nigga)

Some of these crowds that Slim draws

Is rowdy as Crenshaw Boulevard, when it's packed and full of cars

Some of these crowds me and Snoop draw

Is niggas from Crenshaw, from Long Beach to South Central

Whoa, not these niggas again

These grown-ass ignorant men with hair-triggers again (Shit)

You and what army could harm me?

D.R.E. and Shady with Doggy from Long Beach (Westside)

Came a long way to makin' these songs play

It'll be a wrong move to stare at me the wrong way

I got a long Uz' and I carry it all day

Sometimes it's like a nightmare just bein' Andre

But I…

Somehow, some way

Hello, nigga, you know about Dogg-ay (Snoop Dogg)

And let me cut these niggas up and show 'em where the fuck I'm comin' from

I get the party crackin' from the shit that I be spittin', son (Yeah)

Hit-and-run, get it done, get the funds, split and run (Watch out)

Got about fifty guns and I love

All of 'em the same, bang-bang (Word up)

Damn, baby girl, what's your name? (What's your name?)

I forgot, what'd you say it was? Damn, a nigga buzzed (Fucked up)

Hangin' in the club with my nephew Eminem (What's up, Slim?) What up, Cuz? (What up, Snoop?)

The Great White American Hope (Uh-huh)

Done hooked up with the king of the motherfuckin' West Coast, baby

And you don't really wanna fuck with me

Only nigga that I trust is me

Fuck around and make me bust this heat

That's the devil, they always wanna dance

I'm the Head Nigga In Charge, I'm watchin' you move

You're found dead in your garage with ten o'clock news coverage

Gotta love it 'cause I expose the façade

Your little lungs is too small to hotbox with God

All jokes aside, come bounce with us

Standin' over you with a 12 gauge about to bust

It's like ashes to ashes and dust to dust

I might leave in a body bag, but never in cuffs

So who do you trust? They just not rugged enough

When things get rough, I'm in the club shootin' with Puff

Bitch, please! You must have a mental disease

Assume the position and get back down on your knees

Come on

And you don't really wanna fuck with me

Only nigga that I trust is me

Fuck around and make me bust this heat

That's the devil, they always wanna dance

And you don't really wanna fuck with me

Only nigga that I trust is me

Fuck around and make me bust this heat

That's the devil, they always wanna dance

Aw, naw, big Slim Dogg

Eighty pound balls (What?), dick six-inch long (Mm)

Back up in the heezy, baby

He's Shady (He's so crazy!) (Ha-ha-ha)

Give me the mic, let me recite 'til Timothy White

Pickets outside the Interscope offices every night

What if he's right? I'm just a criminal makin' a livin' off of the world's misery

What in the world gives me the right

To say what I like and walk around flippin' the bird?

Livin' the urban life like a white kid from the burbs

Dreamin' at night of screamin' at Mom, schemin' to leave

Run away from home and grow to be as evil as me

I just want you all to notice me, and people to see

That, somewhere deep down, there's a decent human being in me

It just can't be found, so the reason you've been seeing this me

Is 'cause this is me now, the recent dude who's being this mean

So when you see me dressin' up like a nerd on TV

Or heard the CD usin' the fag word so freely

It's just me bein' me; here, want me to tone it down?

Suck my fuckin' dick, you faggot! You happy now?

Look here, I start some trouble everywhere that I go (That I go)

Ask the bouncers in the club 'cause they know ('Cause they know)

I start some shit, they throw me out the back door (The back door)

Come back and shoot the club up with a .44 (A .44)

And you don't really wanna fuck with me

Only nigga that I trust is me

Fuck around and make me bust this heat

That's the devil, they always wanna dance

And you don't really wanna fuck with me

Only nigga that I trust is me

Fuck around and make me bust this heat

That's the devil, they always wanna dance

2001 and forever

Slim Shady, Dr. Dre

Snoop Dogg, X to the Z

Nate Dogg, come on, yeah

☆☆☆☆☆

"Kim"

[Eminem:]

Aww look at daddy's baby girl

That's daddy's baby

Little sleepy head

Yesterday I changed your diaper

Wiped you and powdered you.

How did you get so big?

Can't believe it now you're two

Baby, you're so precious

Daddy's so proud of you

Sit down, bitch

If you move again I'll beat the shit out of you

[Eminem (Kim):]

(Okay)

Don't make me wake this baby

She don't need to see what I'm about to do

Quit crying, bitch, why do you always make me shout at you?

How could you

Just leave me and love him out the blue?

Oh, what's the matter Kim?

Am I too loud for you?

Too bad, bitch, you're gonna finally hear me out this time

At first, I'm like all right

You wanna throw me out? That's fine!

But not for him to take my place, are you out your mind?

This couch, this TV, this whole house is mine!

How could you let him sleep in our bed?

Look at, Kim

Look at your husband now!

(No!)

I said look at him!

He ain't so hot now is he?

Little punk!

(Why are you doing this?)

Shut the fuck up!

(You're drunk! You're never gonna get away with this!)

You think I give a fuck!

Come on we're going for a ride, bitch

(No!)

Sit up front

(Well, I can't just leave Hailie alone. What if she wakes up?)

We'll be right back

Well, I will, you'll be in the trunk

So long

Bitch, you did me so wrong

I don't wanna go on

Living in this world without you

So long

Bitch, you did me so wrong

I don't wanna go on

Living in this world without you

You really fucked me, Kim

You really did a number on me

Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me

But we was kids then, Kim, I was only 18

That was years ago

I thought we wiped the slate clean

That's fucked up!

(I love you!)

Oh, God, my brain is racing

(I love you!)

What are you doing?

Change the station I hate this song!

Does this look like a big joke?

(No!)

There's a four-year-old boy lyin' dead with a slit throat

In your living room, ha-ha

What you think I'm kiddin' you?

You loved him, didn't you?

(No!)

Bullshit, you bitch, don't fucking lie to me

What the fuck's this guy's problem on the side of me?

Fuck you, asshole, yeah, bite me

Kim, Kim!

Why don't you like me?

You think I'm ugly, don't you?

(It's not that!)

No, you think I'm ugly

(Baby)

Get the fuck away from me, don't touch me

I hate you! I hate you!

I swear to god, I hate you

Oh, my god, I love you

How the fuck could you do this to me?

(Sorry!)

How the fuck could you do this to me?

So long

Bitch, you did me so wrong

I don't wanna go on

Living in this world without you

So long

Bitch, you did me so wrong

I don't wanna go on

Living in this world without you

Come on, get out

(I can't, I'm scared)

I said get out, bitch!

(Let go of my hair.

Please don't do this, baby

Please I love you, look we can just take Hailie and leave)

Fuck you

You did this to us

You did it, it's your fault

Oh, my God, I'm crackin' up

Get a grip, Marshall

Hey remember the time we went to Brian's party?

And you were like so drunk that you threw up all over Archie

That was funny, wasn't it?

(Yes!)

That was funny, wasn't it?

(Yes!)

See it all makes sense, doesn't it?

You and your husband have a fight

One of you tries to grab a knife

And during the struggle he accidentally gets his Adam's apple sliced

(No!)

And while this is goin' on

His son just woke up and he just walks in

She panics and he gets his throat cut

(Oh, my God!)

So now they both dead and you slash your own throat

So now it's double homicide and suicide with no note

I should have known better when you started to act weird

We could've... Hey! Where you going? Get back here!

You can't run from me, Kim

It's just us, nobody else!

You're only making this harder on yourself

Ha! Ha! Got'cha!

(Ah!)

Ha! Go ahead, yell!

Here I'll scream with you!

Ah, somebody help!

Don't you get it, bitch, no one can hear you?

Now shut the fuck up and get what's coming to you

You were supposed to love me

Now bleed! Bitch, bleed!

Bleed! Bitch, bleed! Bleed!

So long

Bitch, you did me so wrong

I don't wanna go on

Living in this world without you

So long

Bitch, you did me so wrong

I don't wanna go on

Living in this world without you

☆☆☆☆☆

"Under The Influence"

(feat. D-12)

[Eminem:]

Chem-le-le-le-le-le-le-le, le-le, le-le

Chem-le-le-le-ne-miah-nuf-niah, ne-nish, ne-ne (Translation:)

So you can suck my dick if you don't like my shit

'Cause I was high when I wrote this, so suck my dick!

Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two pennies

I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties

A young-ass man with a trash can, strapped to the back

Of his ass so the rats can't chew through his last pants

I'm like a mummy at night, fightin' with bright lightnin'

And frightened with five little white Vicodin pills bitin' him

I'm like a fuckin' wasp in the hospital, lost

Stingin' the fuck outta everything I come across in the halls

I light a candle and place it up on the mantel

Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the fuckin' handle

So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds, hurtin'

(Bitch, it's too late)

'Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains

[Swifty:]

I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator

Degradin', creatin' murders to kill haters

Accused for every crime known through the equator

They knew I did it for havin' blood on my 'gators

My weed'll hit your chest like a double barrel gauge and

I'm a black grenade that'll blow up in yo' face

With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remy I do shit on purpose

You never hear me say, "Forgive me"

I'm snatchin' every penny, it gotta be that way, nigga, face it

That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it

You hidin', I make the President get a facelift

Niggas just afraid, handin' me they bracelets

Chillin' in the lab wasted, I'm the type

That'll drink Kahlua and gin, throw up on the mic

Your life is ruined, you get socked right on sight

And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight

[Eminem:]

So you can suck my dick if you don't like my shit

'Cause I was high when I wrote this, so suck my dick!

'Cause I don't give a fuck if you don't like my shit

'Cause I was high when I wrote this, so suck my dick!

[Bizarre:]

I'm a compulsive liar, settin' my preacher on fire

Slashin' your tires, flyin' down Fenkell and Meyers

Plates expired, soon as I'm hired I'm fired

Jackin' my dick off in a bed of barbed wire

(Hey, is Bizarre performin'?) Bitch, didn't you read the flyer?

The special invited guest will be Richard Pryor

(Aren't you a male dancer?) No, bitch, I'm retired

Fuckin' your bitch in the ass with a tire iron

I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip

My DJ's in a coma for lettin' the record skip

Lettin' the record skip, lettin' the record skip (Damn!)

I'm fuckin' anything when I'm snortin'

It's gonna cost three-hundred dollars to get my pitbull an abortion

Some bitch asked for my autograph

I called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughed

I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam

All bitches is hoes, even my stinkin'-ass mom

[Proof:]

Ayo, flashback, two feets, two deep up in that ass crack

Weed laced with somethin'– nigga, pass that!

In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats

At a "Stop the Violence" rally, I blast gats

BMI on publishin'; get yo' ass capped

The Kuniva, divide up yo' cash stack

Run yo' motherfuckin' pockets, ASAP

I don't need a platinum chain, bitch, I snatched Shaq's

Born loser, half thief and half black

Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at

Bitch smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked

And found chopped up in a trash bag

[Kuniva:]

We stranglin' rappers until the point they can't yell

'Cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake sales

Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace

Gruesome, and causin' more violence than nine hoodlums

I grapple your Adam's apple until it crackle

Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you

Get executed, 'cause I'm a Luni, I got a Yukmouth

And it's polluted; I cock it back, then shoot it

I love snatchin' up players, thugs and young ballers

Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers

Brigade barricade to bring the noise

While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas toys

If I go solo, I'm doin' a song with Bolo

A big Chinese nigga screamin', "Kuniva, yo, yo!"

I leave ya face leakin', run up in church

And smack the preacher while he's preachin'

Take a swing at the deacon

[Kon Artis:]

I used to tell cats that I sold weed and weight

I was straight 'til I got caught sellin' them shake

I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent

I got kicked out of summer camp for havin' sex in my tent

With the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of order

I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin' in water

In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von

Who got fired from UPS for tryin' to send you a bomb

(Special delivery) I sign to a local label for fun

Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement and run

Drive-by you in the rain while you carry your son

Call your house and hang up on you for not givin' me none

Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun

Got a reputation for havin' niggas runnin' they funds

Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin' some ones

'Til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin' in dough

[Eminem:]

So you can suck my dick if you don't like my shit

'Cause I was high when I wrote this, so suck my dick!

'Cause I don't give a fuck if you don't like my shit

'Cause I was high when I wrote this, so suck my dick!

Ha-ha! Suck my motherfuckin' dick!

D12, Dirty-motherfuckin'-Dozen

Nasty like a stank slut bitch with thirty fuckin' husbands

Bizarre Kid, Swifty McVay, the Kon Artis

The Kuniva, Derty Harry, and Slim Shady

☆☆☆☆☆

"Criminal"

A lot of people ask me stupid fucking questions

A lot of people think that what I say on a record or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life or that I believe in it

Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody that I'm actually gonna do it or that I believe in it

Well, shit, if you believe that then I'll kill you

You know why?

'Cause I'm a criminal

Criminal

You're goddamn right

I'm a criminal

Yeah, I'm a criminal

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge

That'll stab you in the head

Whether you're a fag or lez

Or a homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest

Pants or dress

Hate fags? The answer's "yes"

Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic

Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulging

That's my motherfucking balls

You'd better let go of 'em

They belong in my scrotum

You'll never get hold of 'em

"Hey, it's me, Versace

Whoops, somebody shot me!

And I was just checking the mail."

Get it? Checking the 'male'?

How many records you expecting to sell

After your second LP sends you directly to jail?

C'mon! Relax guy, I like gay men

Right, Ken? Give me an "amen". A-men!

Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus

Heal this child, help us destroy these demons

Oh, and please send me a brand new car

And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital

Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher

You can't reach me, my mom can't neither

You can't teach me a goddamn thing

'Cause I watch TV, and Comcast cable

And you ain't able to stop these thoughts

You can't stop me from topping these charts

And you can't stop me from dropping each March

With a brand new CD for these fucking retards

And to think, it's just little ol' me

Mr. Don't-Give-A-Fuck still won't leave

I'm a criminal

'Cause every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell 'em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip 'em the bird

And keep going, I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal

'Cause every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell 'em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip 'em the bird

And keep going, I don't take shit from no one

My mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes, and speed

The baby came out disfigured, ligaments indeed

It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she

Don't dare make fun of that baby 'cause that baby was me

I'm a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed

But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?

So as I got older and I got a lot taller

My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger

I drink more liquor

To fuck you up quicker

Than you'd wanna fuck me up for saying the word

My morals went ... when the president got oral

Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk

Off of his own employee

Now don't ignore me

You won't avoid me

You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired

And my nose is pointy

I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die

In plane crashes and laughs

As long as it ain't happened to him

Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined

"The Maniac's in" in place of the doctor

'Cause Dre couldn't make it today

He's a little under the weather

So I'm taking his place

Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face

Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place

I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away

I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?

I'm a criminal

Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker

Get the motherfucking money and get the fuck up outta there

Aight

I'll be right here waiting on you

Aight

Yo Em

What?!

Don't kill nobody this time

Awwright. Goddamn, this motherfucker gets on my fucking nerves

Aha?

How you doin'?

Hi, how can I help you?

Yeah I need to make a withdrawal

Okay

Put the fucking money in the bag bitch and I won't kill you!

What? Oh my God, don't kill me

I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit looking around

Don't kill me, I've got two kids at home don't kill me, don't kill me

I said I'm not gonna fucking kill you

Hurry the fuck up! Thank you!

Go, go, go!

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it

So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it

So I'll be disguised in it

And if anybody identifies the guy in it

I'll hide for five minutes

Come back, shoot the eyewitness

Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business

Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets

This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet

If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts

Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck

You motherfucking chickens ain't brave enough

To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut

Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up

To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass

And if it's not a rapper that I make it as

I'mma be a fucking rapist in a Jason mask

I'm a criminal

'Cause every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell 'em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip 'em the bird

And keep going, I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal

'Cause every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell 'em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip 'em the bird

And keep going, I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal

'Cause every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell 'em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip 'em the bird

And keep going, I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal

'Cause every time I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime

To tell 'em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

But I don't gotta say a word

I just flip 'em the bird

And keep going, I don't take shit from no one

☆☆☆☆☆

"The Kids"

And everyone should get along

Okay, children, quiet down, quiet down

Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day: his name is Mr. Shady

Children, quiet down please

Brian, don't throw that! (Shut up!)

Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (He's got AIDS!)

Good luck, Mr. Shady!

Hi there, little boys and girls! (Fuck you!)

Today we're gonna learn how to poison squirrels

But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)

Say hi, Bob ("Hi, Bob!")

Bob's thirty and still lives with his mom

And he don't got a job 'cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot

But his twelve-year-old brother looks up to him an awful lot

And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot

And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock

When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog

Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (Ahh!)

And even if they escaped and they got the cops

The ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge

'Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job

When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk

But Stacey knew it was Bob and said, "Knock it off!"

But Bob wouldn't knock it off, 'cause he's crazy and off his rocker

Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka

You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor

He grabbed Stace' by the legs as he chopped it off her

And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her

But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander

They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner

And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana

And what it might do to you

So see if the squirrels want it—it's bad for you

See, children, drugs are bad (Come on)

And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (Ask him, man)

And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (That's right)

She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (She will)

So kids, say no to drugs (That's right)

So you don't act like everyone else does (Uh-huh)

And there's really nothin' else to say (Sing along)

Drugs are just bad, mmkay?

My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?

Fuck, no! You ain't seen it! It's the size of a peanut (Huh?)

Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?

Ecstasy—it's the worst drug in the world

If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it

Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid

And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back

So don't get attached, or it'll attack every bone in your back

Meet Zach: twenty-one years old

After hangin' out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold

And decides to try five when he's bribed by five guys

And the peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it

Suddenly, he starts to convulse

And his pulse goes into hyperdrive

And his eyes roll back in his skull (Blblblblblb)

His back starts to look like the McDonald's Arches

He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal, barfin' (Bleh)

And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him

"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"

'Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny

So they're laughing at basically nothing

Except maybe wasting their money

Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over

And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin' yoga

And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac

So don't even feed that to squirrels, class, 'cause it's bad for you

See, children, drugs are bad (That's right)

And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (That's right)

And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (You can)

She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (She will)

So kids, say no to drugs (Don't smoke crack)

So you don't act like everyone else does (That's right)

And there's really nothin' else to say (But umm…)

Drugs are just bad, mmkay?

And last but not least, one of the most humongous

Problems among young people today is fungus

It grows from cow manure; they pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up

And you put it right in your mouth and chew it

Yum-yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff

And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em

And sometimes, you see things that aren't there (Like what?)

Like fat women in G-strings with orange hair

(Mr. Shady, what's a G-string?) It's yarn, Claire

Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)

And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms

Whoops, did I say 'magic mushrooms?' I meant fungus

Your tongue gets all swoll up like a cow's tongue

(How come?) 'Cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!)

See, drugs are bad, it's a common fact

But your mom and dad know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)

But don't be me, 'cause if you grow up and you go and OD

They're gonna come for me, and I'ma have to grow a goatee

And get a disguise and hide, 'cause it'll be my fault

So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't, 'cause I'm bad for you

See, children, drugs are bad (Uh-huh)

And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (Put that down!)

And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (You can ask)

She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (And she will)

So kids, say no to drugs (Say no)

So you don't act like everyone else does (Like I do)

And there's really nothin' else to say (That's right)

Drugs are just bad, mmkay?

Come on, children, clap along! (Shut up!)

Sing along, children! (Suck my motherfuckin' dick!)

Come on, clap along

Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)

So don't do drugs! (Kiss my motherfuckin' ass!)

So there'll be more for me (Hippie! Goddamn it!)

(Mushrooms killed Kenny!)

(Uh, the fart button's on) [*fart*] (Ew, ahh!)

La la la (So fucked up right now)